FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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