Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then my night got REAL pukey
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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