we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
