Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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