Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
