Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know her cup size but not her name....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
