she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
