Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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