that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
