When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
