The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
