They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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