whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?