I molested 6 butterflies tonight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
