We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.