just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
