Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
whose parrot is this?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
