He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
