I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
