I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
