His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
