I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
