I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
