Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
