I think i peed on brittanys purse
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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