hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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