singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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