when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
