He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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