I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
