Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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