The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
