Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
