to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
