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i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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