he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
