So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
