Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
