ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I met the friendliest cop last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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