I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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