It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
