I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize