I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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