How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
