so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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