You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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