I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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