Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla