Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?

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  (402): Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me? http://tfl.nu/agne
  Replies (7) Good night (2645) Bad night (653)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (28372) Bad night (2018)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.

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  (715): She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him. http://tfl.nu/8avk
  Replies (11) Good night (939) Bad night (4076)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.

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  (734): I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense. http://tfl.nu/c4vr
  Replies (10) Good night (1119) Bad night (2943)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

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  (860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br
  Replies (22) Good night (5659) Bad night (1013)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?

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  (816): Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation? http://tfl.nu/p01u
  Replies (2) Good night (2438) Bad night (697)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported

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  (330): I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported http://tfl.nu/ddun
  Replies (7) Good night (1526) Bad night (2765)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.

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  (304): Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on. http://tfl.nu/4qlm
  Replies (10) Good night (4561) Bad night (905)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

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  (207): I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone http://tfl.nu/crvf
  Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (1185)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.

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  (303): I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win. http://tfl.nu/uk9u
  Replies (10) Good night (2407) Bad night (511)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.

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  (816): Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion. http://tfl.nu/6cof
  Replies (12) Good night (1060) Bad night (797)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.

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  (740): Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked. http://tfl.nu/voiu
  Replies (4) Good night (1120) Bad night (456)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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  (803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick? http://tfl.nu/r3gk
  Replies (4) Good night (1434) Bad night (302)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car

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  (727): You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car http://tfl.nu/u1q1
  Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (202)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues

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  (787): come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues http://tfl.nu/x9jo
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (153)

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