Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.

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(251): View more from Alabama

the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.

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(562): View more from California

not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

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(515): View more from Iowa

What did I eat last night that was bloody?

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(774): View more from Massachusetts

Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.

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(614): View more from Ohio

bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina

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