He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
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"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably