just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(