No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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