Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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