I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
