I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
