it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
