Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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