Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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