What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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