Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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