sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
