just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
