somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
