I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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