oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
