i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
