God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
