some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
