Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
