got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
