i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
