We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
