yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
