are you still at the devil's house?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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