You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
