last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
