Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
